Golly, It's Been a While

Hello errybody!

I've been doing a whole lot of different things since we've last spoken. I left my full time job at Hearthwood searching for a different adventure.  I'm still doing in-home care for my girl, and I've picked up a few extra clients. I'm also now working full time at Shahala Middle School. Talk about a fun group of kiddos!

I've been working hard on a new novel (no, it's not anything like "Faster than the Speed of Love), and been dabbling in vocal training and learning about perfect pitch and relative pitch. Also throw some self discovery in there too. And exploring the great city of Vancouver.

I'm no longer in college, and I'm not in the choir anymore. I love to learn, I just don't know if I have the discipline to do it full time and in an institutional setting. And it's sort of a expensive mistake when you abruptly stop doing it because it stopped being fun, or you become bored with it.

So I'm out on my own, taking things slow and enjoying the simple pleasures of life. I've been making a conscious effort to hang out with my friends and to get out of my house. I am pretty fortunate to have such great people in my life.

Spring break was FABULOUS! I worked a couple of days, then went to the beach with my second family, the Remsings and a few stowaways...

We stayed in the cabins at the KOA in Astoria. They were all so terrified of rain, but I assured them that I had enough Universe power of goodness stored up that it wouldn't rain and ruin our trip.

 I'm seriously, the weather was this beautiful the WHOLE time.

We rented two cabins. I had to be the adult in one of them.

 They cook all of their meals over an open fire. It still boggles my mind.

We had fried chicken and it was fantastic!

 The Astoria Column. Lots of stairs of death.

 View from the top of the Column.

 It's a LONG way down.

I climbed to the top, conquering my fear of heights and the exertion from being fat the entire camping trip. The view was so worth it, and I'd do it again.

We played Apples to Apples (cause my adult friends are bored with this game. Apparently I didn't go to enough parties in high school when it was played. The new "hip" game is Cards Against Humanity which is a really fun game too.) both nights and stayed up late laughing. 

I didn't get enough time at the beach, but I know that I'll be back that way in June.

I've made some self discovery realizations too. I watched a special presentation on PBS by the philosopher and author Dr. Wayne Dyer called  "Wishes Fulfilled". 

I choose to live my life by Universe Theory, that we are creators of our own destiny, that by our own thoughts and words we decide how our life will be. I suppose that's the most simple and generalized version.

There were hundreds of insights I had while watching that program. The thing that stuck out was using the phrase "I am." How many times a day do we use this phrase to describe ourselves?

I am:

poor

fat

uneducated

unworthy

stupid

scared

ugly

And if you ascribe to the theory that we are creators in our own universe, can you imagine what you are attracting to yourself? I try to remember if I'm going in a downwards slump to replace negative thoughts and "I am" statements with positive "I am" phrases.

I am:

loved

clever

important

beautiful

Try this and feel the shift in your body. Your body immediately breathes a sigh of relief. Occasionally I even get a tingling in my stomach realizing the immense power I have inside of me. I bought a chalkboard at a thrift store for the specific purpose of writing daily "I am" statements to myself.

I did this because I need a reminder of the goodness I have. It's easy to forget sometimes.

I also came to a realization about two things one day. Deuce inspiration!

First, this is not a culture that is very forgiving of failure. Though we know many great things did not come to pass on the first try. I was talking to my sisters and father about this and their frustration of a culture that doesn't allow anyone to fail. I gently suggested if the climate for failure wasn't so harsh and allowed a safe place to land after small and large failures, we COULD have a comeback  of the word failure and not have it be such a devastating thing. To make mistakes and learn from them and to not feel like a soul-crushing disappointment to the people you love or respect would be quite refreshing.

The second one of that day was about love. Specifically for me, but I'm sure it applies to other people too.

I need to be accountable to someone. As of now, I'm accountable to no one. Sure, you could say I've got to be accountable to my boss, or to my family. But I'm not really. I could quit my job at the drop of a hat, lose a bit of street cred,  but still be fundamentally whole. And I'm not accountable to my parents because they have already raised me and have done their job. To me, being held accountable gives your life value. And to the people who rely on you and adore you, it's a grave and serious responsibility. While that has the potential to be restricting, I find it relieving. There is a quote from a pretty heavy episode of Family Guy when Stewie tells Brian, "I love you as one loves another person who one simply cannot do without. You give my life purpose and maybe, maybe that's enough." And being accountable doesn't mean that I'm completely dependent on you or even co-dependent. While I'm out in the world making thousands of choices I know that I will have to make them wisely because I will be held accountable for them. For how they will impact us.

My favorite thing to do recently is to stroll around Downtown Vancouver. I LOVE living in the City of Vancouver. Soon I'll post some events and other great places that I've visited and places you should visit too. 

I was frustrated with the statement that there is NOTHING TO DO in Vancouver. I'm happy to report what a BLUNT FACE LIE IT IS.  (I know that's not the actual saying, but it should be.)

I have also began a serious love affair with Fort Vancouver and Officer's Row.

 Two porches. I need this house!

 The community garden leading into the fort.

 You can still go inside of this!

Near the Land Bridge.

 Don't sit under the apple tree... 

It's the oldest apple tree in Vancouver!

This bird was fearless. Lots of people walking by on the waterfront.

I think the citizens of Vancouver are so incredibly fortunate to have such a historically significance piece of history in their town. I discover something new every time I go.

I suppose that's enough for now.

Mahalo for reading!

-Lauraborelious

Places mentioned in the post

Astoria/Warrenton KOA

http://www.astoriakoa.com/

Astoria Column

http://www.astoriacolumn.org/

Fort Vancouver

http://www.nps.gov/fova/index.htm

Officer's Row

http://www.fortvan.org/

Dr. Wayne Dyer's Wishes Fulfilled

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yJP9cuKNqI

Put the tea on, I have stories!

I don't know why now, but I've decided to go back to college. It's been gnawing at me for a year or so, and I've ignored it with some success. I came to the point where I felt stagnant again, and I didn't know what to do about it.

Really, what it was is, I've doubted my intelligence and felt that I was essentially letting my brain atrophy with useless knowledge. All of the things I'd been pretentious about since out of college seemed silly. And while I know that's not true, (I have a great deal of things to be pretentious about ie: political affiliation, morality and sense of humor, etc) I couldn't shake the feeling of uselessness and purpose of being on this planet.

After a few months of battle with Clark College (thanks for the tenacity check Universe AND the financial aid department at Clark), I was able to walk in Monday morning the first day of class and register for the math class that I really needed. There was another class that I really wanted to take too. I don't need it, but I wanted it.

Choir.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love to sing. It started when I was young. My father has an amazing voice. He always had a song for any situation, and was unashamed to break out in song anywhere, much to my embarrassment occasionally.

I don't have an operatic voice. It's more of a clear tone without any vibrato. Ripe for the picking of refinement with the right person, or group.

For the most part, I've been satisfied with it. Recently it has betrayed me. My voice would hurt when I'd sing, or I couldn't hit the pitch to match the song. It has made me furious and self-conscious of using it outside of a punch line for a joke, in the car (I have no shame there), or with the children I work with. My voice was something I could count on. Singing is one thing that without fail can always bring me true joy. I secretly prided myself on being able to stay on pitch without any formal training, and now, it was slipping away.

So instead of continuing to be angry (rest assured, I did go through the anger cycle with this one), I found as much information that I could online about vocal training, counting rhythm and printable sheet music. A while back, I had vocal lessons through Parks and Recreation at the Lupeke Center in Vancouver. I liked the teacher well enough, but I felt that I wasn't really going to do anything with my voice, so I discontinued taking lessons.

But now, I have an opportunity to train for a purpose. Clark College is now offering a evening choir class. It's as if the heavens opened up, and offered me this on a silver platter. I work a 9-5, then add a 5-8 on top of that Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I don't begrudge it, it pays the bills and allows me to live the life I've become accustomed to. But you can see where the scheduling conflicts come into play.

Anyways, I called today and talked to the director. She asked me my experience, and really, it's been about two years since I've sung in an organized group. Perhaps it's been three years. She invited me to join the first half of class, and audition during the break. She's looking for a second soprano or alto. I told her that I was willing to do either.

So, it's time to pile on the crazy. 8 credits of school and two jobs. I'll be loving my weekend time. I'm excited. Whoo! Do you know who else is excited?

MY MOM!

Seriously, though. She is.

This morning when I was leaving my 7AM math class, I was feeling a little nostalgic of the days when I took classes with Josh at the crack of dawn.

Miss you Josh!

Mahalo for reading!

-Laura Borelious

Places or things mentioned in post:

Rhythm counter: http://www.philtulga.com/counter.html
Music theory: www.musictheory.net
Voice lessons thru parks and rec:
https://recconnect.cityofvancouver.us/econnect/Activities/ActivitiesAdvSearch.asp